List Date

More Than Fifty Ways To Get Rid Of Blind Dates>> (and other social catastrophes)>>>> 1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to>give>> the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who>> reaches for it.>>>> 2. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the>restaurant,>> and balance them in a tower on your table.>>>> 3. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.>>>> 4. Make funny faces at the other patrons, then sneer at their>reactions.>>>> 5. Repeat every third third word you say say.>>>> 6. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your>> high school yearbook.>>>> 7. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.>>>> 8. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.>>>> 9. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know>> what they are talking about.>>>> 10. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms>> outstretched, and make airplane sounds.>>>> 11. Order a bucket of lard.>>>> 12. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in>> fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.>>>> 13. Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.>>>> 14. Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.>>>> 15. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins>> talking about themselves.>>>> 16. Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.>>>> 17. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.>>>> 18. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their>plate>> than they do.>>>> 19. Drool.>>>> 20. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray>> crumbs.>>>> 21. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed>in>> front of you.>>>> 22. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/>> hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the>> restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds>you,>> ask him/her, "What in the hell took you so long in the>restroom?!?">>>> 23. Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.>>>> 24. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their>plates.>>>> 25. Beg your date to tatoo your name on their derriere. Keep>bringing>> the subject up.>>>> 26. Ask your date how much money they have with them.>>>> 27. Order for you date. Order something nasty.>>>> 28. Communicate in mime for the entire evening.>>>> 29. Upon enter the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows,>> where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep>your>> back to the wall. Act nervous.>>>> 30. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.>>>> 31. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.>>>> 32. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper>> shakers, silverware, floral arrangements...i.e. anything on the>table>> that isn't bolted down.>>>> 33. Hold a debate. Take both sides.>>>> 34. Undress your date verbally. Use a bullhorn.>>>> 35. Auction your date off for silverware.>>>> 36. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.>>>> 37. Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings>your>> food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter>for the>> potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another>potato>> for you, have the first one back on the plate. Repeat later in>the>> meal.>>>> 38. Order beef tongue. Make leud comparisons or comments.>>>> 39. Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on>tape,>> and use good judgement in editing to twist their words around.>>>> 40. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.>>>> 41. Speak in pig latin throughout the meal. (Or ubber-dubber>language,>> or just nonsence.)>>>> 42. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the>> table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the>> chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.>>>> 43. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu.>> Take one bite.>>>> 44. Bring 20 or so candles with you, and during the meal get up and>> arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.>>>> 45. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking>them>> home for your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot>cheaper>> than actually feeding her.>>>> 46. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.>>>> 47. Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order>>coffee, and>> fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free>> refills.>>>> 48. Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces. In a>> vein, insist that he take a bite of everything in the plate, to>make>> sure that no one poisoned it.>>>> 49. Accuse you date of epsionage.>>>> 50. Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.>>>> 51. Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.>>>> 52. Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to>pay the>> bill.>>>> 53. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.>>>> 54. Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.>>>> 55. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.>>>>

Origin: invocation-rituals.blogspot.com