There are many reasons for keeping a record of journeys: one is that having a 'diary', allows the journeyer to view past meetings with spirit helpers and see patterns and developments in their own practice and personal development. Perhaps the most important reason is that a word-for-word exploration of the journey, using heart and mind, can reveal far more than it is possible to retain during the experience itself, when the focus of attention needs to be on what is actually happening. Visualising, sensing and emotionally experiencing are right-brain actions. Speaking aloud, or even remembering, are left brain actions. Visualising and speaking/remembering simultaneously have a powerful balancing effect on the brain's hemispheres which few other activities achieve.
A very great lesson for me, and one that propelled my shamanic practice forward considerably, involved listening to a sequence of taped journeys made over many months, or even years. At the time, I was in India staying at a health centre accessible to local people and foreigners and writing about Ayurvedic medical treatments and yoga. There was no TV, I'd read the books I'd taken away with me and the centre was quite strict about non-health giving forms of enjoyment, such as visits to cafes or bars! Fortunately, I had brought twenty, old-fashioned, cassette tapes with me for the sole purpose of listening to them and writing them up. These had been a source of guilt for some time; ideally they should have been listened to immediately after the journey they recorded was made; laziness and the pressures of life had left them, growing in number, in a plastic shopping bag.
On the balcony of my small, concrete room overhung with palm trees, I laid out a recorder, pad and pen and started, in date order, to re-experience the minutes and hours I had spent in alternate reality with my spirit helpers. It was a salutary experience and one I shall never forget. Hearing myself ask the same questions in slightly different ways, over and over again, to receive the same answers, in slightly different formats, over and over again, and to hear my own negative reactions in the recorded counselling discussions which followed, was not easy. I soon realised that not having written the journeys up at the time had been a blessing! Patterns of negativity, lack of responsibility and failure to see all the gifts and teachings my spirits had been offering were so very much clearer when laid out in an extensive chronological arrangement. I felt grateful, and still do, that all those journeys were not lost, were not just so much momentary experience, however powerful.
Today I was reminded of that experience in India. Flicking through the pages of a notebook I came across a journey dated 18 March 07. I'd completely forgotten having made this journey and reading it felt its vision and power return to me. Maybe the power can be shared."I'm going on a journey to the Upper World to ask, how I can have more joy and wholeness in my life".
(As I rattle before lying down I feel myself already starting to move towards the Upper World.)
I pass through the circular tunnel which is shiny, its steel sides gleaming, and the water on the ground is sweet. The Upper World landscape has shrunk and is like a biscuit crust. My spirit helpers are there, some of them in more than spirit form. As I walk the ground breaks into foot-shaped pieces so I leave a trail of foot-shaped holes and I can see through to the clouds below. The spirits with me don't leave a mark. I say 'Why do I make these holes and not you?'. There is no direct answer. I insist on answer, then realise it's not about why but about how, so I start to walk differently. I walk carefully now and the holes stop appearing, then I cartwheel and jump, but there are still no holes. My spirit helpers all looked very pleased at this. At this point the Lower World, Middle World and Upper World all merge, physically: trees from the Lower World stick up into the desert of my Middle World and the dunes of the Middle World are pushing through into the thin plane of the Upper World. Then I'm in the place where all the Worlds meet and I realise I've never seen most of it. So I look by climbing a low hill and from there I see the merged worlds clearly. Then I'm in the air, drawing further away and I look down and see a whole planet of these merged worlds. I ask "How can I have more joy and wholeness in my life?". My spirits tell me "Drift free". I'm not pleased by this answer. I say "I need more rootedness, not more freedom or drifting." But I drift anyway and floating in the black I remember that I'm a spirit and I see the light shining at my centre. I say to my helpers that it's hard to remember the light when faced with the problems of everyday. They say very loudly and clearly "You Can Do It". Then I'm back in the place where all the Worlds meet and I stamp both my feet, then with both hands I dig into the soft earth and curl up in the hole. My spirit helpers pile soil on top of me. Very quickly I pupate and emerge from the hole riding the White Horse. I ride along the seashore, then under the waves, then up into the sky. In the sky I thank my spirit helpers because they have reminded me of all the gifts and insights they give me and reminded me that relationships need more than just thought. The drumming changes, and I start to come back, but not through the tunnel. They all accompany me and bring me to the door of my ordinary reality house. I ride into the house, along the hallway, bending under the door frames. I ride into the garden. My dog is there she and the horse greet each other. I dismount and go into the house and put the kettle on.
Although I have no memory of actually making this journey or of the context in which it occurred, simply reading this account of what happened is enough to recreate the many emotions that the experience engendered in me. The entire journey, from the moment I lay down and started listening to drumming through headphones, is the answer to the question, 'How can I have more joy and wholeness in my life?'.
The first answer comes when I realise that it's not what I do but how I do it that makes the difference. This realisation brings all the alternate reality worlds together, which may have many meanings but in the context of the question implies wholeness, a lack of separation both qualitative and quantitative. This merging in turn made me realise things taken for granted and that new perspectives are required. From this new place I asked the question again and am given a direct answer. I don't like the answer, but taking it literally leads to a reminder of my own spirit nature, a reminder that I am a spirit in a human body, yet another answer to my initial question. Pointing out the difficulty inherent in the human part of this equation leads to my spirit helpers encouraging me. The encouragement continues in the form of a kind of reincarnation experience: the complaining anxious me emerges from the grave I have dug myself as a rider of a powerful and beautiful spirit helper. This helper, the White Horse, takes me through earth, water and air and finally I realise my spirits are reminding me that it's not enough simply to think of them from time to time, what I, and they, require is this very focused experience of being with them; being loved and loving. Instead of parting with them in alternate reality, as I usually do, at the end of the journey they return with me all the way to my door and beyond it, bringing themselves into my ordinary everyday world, through my house and out the other side. As a final answer to my question about joy and wholeness, the journey ends with my ordinary reality dog and non-ordinary reality horse coming together and the simple domestic gesture of putting the kettle on. I wanted to write about this particular experience here because it seemed a good example of how a seemingly simple question about a perennial human concern can be explored through the shamanic journey. Many people learning shamanic techniques think that there will be "an "answer, maybe even the 'Yes' or 'No' they hope will give them clarity of action. That may happen, but in my experience the spirits are more profound, offering answers that operate on many levels, both obvious and subtle, answers that encourage responsibility rather than relieving it. This combination of appeal to heart and head is what makes shamanic journeying awe-inspiring.
